(and my bucket list is longer than the 9-month wait for a Pumpkin Spice Latte on September 1st)
Throw your XXXL coffee cup in the air, like you just don’t care… (or, if you *do* care, just sip it slowly and tilt your spoon on the side as a sign of approbation, or joy, or shame, or… well whatever you’re inclined to do)
Let’s rewind the past 12 months
I’ve been (almost) kind.
I’ve survived my 40th move. (which should def’ go under a thorough investigation by Men In White because it’s odd)
I’ve mastered another year around the Sun with (kind of) grace and compassion… (Who am I trying to fool? ???? It’s been a lot of mess, tears, doubts, and “what if”s paired with way too many “I should have”s)
I’ve decluttered, tossed, donated, recycled roughly 50% of my belongings. (Not to fall into the Kondo Trend but because it was a symbolic way to cut chords from my past)
Ohhh… and I legally changed my last name (#Duh… ????????♀️)
Here I am, at 2AM, staring at the clock. Unable to sleep.
With one recurring question I can’t wrap my Stabilo around:
“What do I really want?”
Not what I’m supposed to want.
Not what I should want.
Not what I’m taught to want.
Not what social media platforms push me to want.
What do the 40-something old me truly want?
I want rest.
I want clarity.
I want answers.
I want self-confidence.
I want calmness & simplicity.
I want time. More time. ⏰
I want creativity.
I want arts and crafts. ????????
I want to doodle, run 5k, and sketchnotes.
I want to design oracle decks & have fun.
I want peace of mind.
I want to know what to do now (and next… and after that)
I want to hone my diverse skills.
I want to follow my intuition even if it doesn’t seem to make sense.
I want to feel strong in my path, my decisions, my choices.
I want to owe no justifications for my life.
I want serenity, composure, and concentration.
I want vacation and a mocktail with a cute purple umbrella. ⛱
I want sun gazing ☀️ and moon watching. ????
I want to accept my past as it is.
I want to write books, sew bags, learn Swedish, and take a nap.
I want tears of joy.
I want to book a trip to Prague.
I want to learn from Iris Apfel and Gordon Ramsey.
I want to meet Ashley Ambirge & give her a bottle of Writer’s Tears.
I want to be at peace with who I am: single, and childless.
I want a practical plan. ????
I want to trust my internal compass. ????
I want inner certainty in a world of constant change and uncertainty.
I want to live my life without the need of conforming 24/7.
I want hope.
I want to do no harm, but take no sh!t.
I want to put all these pieces together and weave them into a unique, unconventional, irreverent, unapologetic piece of Art. Me.
And, you? What do YOU want?
Last minute add-ons: I want Swiss chocolate, a new tattoo, and a VIP Pass for the next Sabaton cruise. Thanks Santa. ????